I sit here, in my makeshift computer room. I call it makeshift because it's never really been a computer room. I still have the boxes from when I moved in to this apartment scattered and stacked all in this room. My makeshift computer room is my safe place, my real home. My makeshift computer room is my secret. A secret very few know, and even fewer care. My secret is... my makeshift computer room is a laptop on an empty box. Or maybe its two empty boxes I'm not sure. And I love how cold my computer room is, as I sit here playing solitaire and waiting for you to get online I can feel my toes tingling. I don't wear socks, no, never wear socks because I like to feel the cool wooden floor of my house, and I like how they go cold and numb. I like that feeling, but I love the feeling when they get the warmth back in them. Slowly warming up then they start to freeze again. I've already finished five games of solitaire waiting for you, and I'm starting to wonder if you're getting online today. I look at my Yahoo messenger, Abby's on and apparently her boyfriend has broken up with her again, James is on and is on top of the world he got accepted into the college he's been wanting to go to since the fifth grade. But still no you, your icon is grey, I start to play another game and bing you're online. I scurry to click out of my game and click on your name to send you a message, but you beat me to it. 'Hello.' you said. I looked around the room, my room of boxes then back at the screen. 'Hi, I've missed you lately.' I responded. I've not talked to you in almost a week. I could feel the warmth coming back to my toes, talking to you usually has that effect on me. But I never told you that. 'I know, things have been busy around here though. You know how it is.' I want to ask you if you've missed me too, but I don't...and I don't know how it is and you know that. 'Yeah, I know.' I respond, looking sadly at the bracelet I'd been wearing a few days ago, you'd given it to me the day you left, and when you hadn't talked to me in days I took it off and threw at one of the boxes. It hit the floor with a small ping, that ping echoed at me for hours. 'So how've you been?' I ask trying to keep things from getting awkward but as always it already is. 'Okay I guess' he responded and this time you even put a little smiley emoticon, it was smiling at me from the screen. 'And you?' you asked, probably just to be nice.  'I'm...okay.' I respond trying to be as sincere as possible but it doesn't work. You know something is wrong, I don't know how you know, but you do and it drives me crazy. It drives me crazy because whenever something is wrong you push and push and push. You push me over the edge until I break and tell you what it is. Then you usually laugh away my little 'wrongs.' I never laughed at you, unless you were intentionally being funny. 'What's wrong?' you asked this time sending me an emote, little sad face with a tear. 'Nothing.' I respond. 'Fine then, if you say so. I gotta go, I'll talk to you later.' I stared at the screen in awe. You haven't been on in almost a week, and when you finally get on you talk to me for five minutes before leaving me again. I hate you for this. I hate how you stopped saying you love me when you get off...bing there you go, offline. I hate you so much because I want to talk to you in real life, I wish you hadn't moved across the state. I don't know what you're doing over there with those, preppy people. I told you, you could've moved in with me. You said your mom thought it was a bad idea. I hate you for not coming, I hate you for choosing her over me even if she did give birth to you, I hate you for not saying those three little words that mean the most to me.  So as I sit here and my toes start growing cold again I open up solitaire and begin to play once more. I sit here at my little laptop, in my makeshift computer room, and wait for you. I'll go to bed, yes, in a few hours when I'm sure you won't get back on, I couldn't stand the thought of missing you. Yes, I hate you. I hate you but I love you.